Friday, July 16, 2010

seeing things differently

I think I've had a breakthrough - I was really feeling quite depressed and couldn't seem to pull myself out of it. That made me feel even worse, like something was wrong with me that maybe I was powerless over my emotions. So I decided to write it all down, all the things that were bothering me and all the issues I've been dealing with over the last two and a half months. Most people don't realize how the flood really has dragged on with so many of us for so long. A lot of people are losing their homes because they can't afford to rebuild. I was one of the lucky ones...
Anyway, I wrote it all down - it was a lot! There were many major issues that were clouding my head - so much has happened since May. And then when I finished writing out all the negative, I countered each issue with what was positive about it, how I'd learned, what to focus on instead of the pain or irritation. I did all this at 3:00 a.m. last night (I'm tired now though..)
I have a total of six typed pages - that's a lot of stuff!
So I'm ready to move on and start fresh. We're going on a week-long getaway to the beach, which will be great. And then when we get back my house will hopefully be finished. And school will be starting soon so hopefully my student roster will grow. So there's things to look forward to.
But I was thinking, through all the mess I've been through, the one thing I had to keep focusing on was my songwriting. I thought, if I hadn't been writing, I may have forgotten who I am and what I'm here to do. I could have gotten lost in the muck. It was like the little glimmer of light through all the darkness. So I'm grateful for music - it saved me! I have a whole new approach and outlook on life now. It's time to move on and start fresh. So I am..

I am keeping up with my list of things I want to accomplish:

I want to be offered a major gig as a singer/songwriter - either a European Jazz festival, a large club, opening for a major name artist, etc.
I want a major label artist to record one of my songs and release it as a single.
I want my songs placed in a major motion picture or TV show.
I want my songs to reach the #1 spot on the Billboard charts.

And of course, I want to be paid handsomely for all of the above so that I am truly living an abundant life.

I'm just saying...

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