Saturday, July 31, 2010

way behind schedule

I took a week off to go on vacation and got engaged! Woohoo! But now I'm feeling completely swamped because we decided to get married before winter rather than wait 9 months until the weather's nice again in April. So I have a ton of things to do, which means I'm not writing! But I'm OK with it. I want to revel in this moment - this only happens once in a lifetime (for most people), and I want to cherish it and enjoy every moment. I've struggled with being a songwriter and my career for so long, for years and years - it has caused me much pleasure and much pain. I love it, but I don't want my career to be the only thing in my life that matters, I want to see the whole picture, where everything is in balance. And I think when I'm more balanced and more happy with my day-to-day life, I am able to write more efficiently because I'm not stressed, I'm not putting huge pressure on myself to create or perform. I can just BE. And in the long-run, life is about the MOMENT, joy is in the NOW. I think I've always said to myself "If I could be successful as a songwriter, or write daily, or be appreciated on a big-scale for what I contribute to life, THEN I'll be happy". But that puts pressure on myself and keeps happiness at arm's length. I want to enjoy life now, regardless if I'm a hit songwriter or not. I'm not justifying, I'm stating the truth - happiness is in the now. So I am happy now! I will try to make some time in between wedding planning to work on music. It is important for my soul to express its creativity. But creativity manifests in many forms - such as flower designs, invitations, etc. Today I will be happy - in the now!