Saturday, May 15, 2010

writing again

Yesterday I woke up with a beautiful melody in my head, so I went straight to my studio and recorded it into my mini-disc. Then later I added the chords - really pretty music. It fit my mood - the flood, new rain, and all the hurt I've gone through this past week. It's great being able to filter that energy into writing music...eases the soul!
Later yesterday I wrote a few lyrical ideas - I'd like to try to finish some of the songs I've written lately by adding lyrics to them. Lyrics take me significantly longer to write than the music, sometimes days. I've co-written with other people before, which makes it easier, but if the song is one of a personal nature, it makes no sense to co-write with someone else. I have to write what I feel in my heart and soul, even if it takes days for me to get it right. And I'd love every song to be a commercial hit of course, but some songs may not be that - they may not make sense to everyone out there because it is my experience. Seems there are a lot of alternative rock songs I completely don't understand - I guess understandable lyrics apply to certain genres but not others. Remember "wrapped up like a deuce"? I never knew what the lyrics were to that song until about 20 years later. Country music of course must be very clearly stated. I'll do the best I can, but I'm not going to spend weeks on writing lyrics to a song when I'd rather write more music. Besides, it is art isn't it...? And isn't art about expressing one's soul, not necessarily on making money or identifying with everyone else, it's about expressing who I am. It's my gift to share, regardless if anyone identifies with it or not.
Hard to find the time to do both daily - maybe someday when I don't have to work at all..
I'm off today, so I will try to work on my lyrics again today.

Friday, May 14, 2010

getting back to business

I'm still reeling from all the drama of last week. Have a couple of loose ends to deal with. I had major discussions with several people in my life which brought me closer to them. AND I got what I wanted to convey out into the world: I deserve better than this! I've lost some people from my life too - some people I just had to cut loose when I saw their true colors. Oh well, better to find out now...It hurts, but I have to move on.
So now I am moving on with my music. Today I have nothing scheduled except music. Yeah! I'm back in business! I woke up with several song ideas, which I will work on today. I also have a "coffee house" performance (small acoustic showcase) coming up in 3 weeks - which I haven't even started organizing yet!! I have no ideas which songs I will do or which musicians will play on it. I don't really have money to hire people right now, but I want it to sound good! So not sure what to do about that..
I also have lots of little things to do before my jam gig next week - send out an email to my fans, check the keys to all my cover songs, send out a photo to the club. But I've got time so I'm going to set a schedule for myself today so I can get it all done. First priority is writing.
Seems I always put writing at the end of the list - It's hard for me to write with things hanging over my head. But I've taken a whole week off, or more, so I've got to put it first. And all the song ideas I've written for the audition I need to put some lyrics to. One song in particular is really good and catchy and I want to perform it at my coffee house show, so I've got to get it together! Lots to do today!
I still feel pained from so much heart-ache last week, but I know music can heal my soul. So I have to get back to that which feeds me...

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

still dealing with the aftermath

Yes, it's true - I'm still an emotional mess. I've cried everyday for the last week and a half. Feeling terrible about all the emotional drama that's been going on, and there's still more to come. I'm cleaning house - for the first time in my life I'm saying "I deserve better than this!" - and meaning it and sticking to it. I feel stronger than I've ever felt, but I also feel in a lot of pain. It's hard to clear away people from your life if you love them, but sometimes it must be done in order to make room for healthier people who know how to show love and respect. If I can't get love and respect from the people closest to me, how am I going to get it from business associates, fans, record companies, co-writers, etc? I have to apply that principle to all aspects of my life, especially to those closest to me. It sets an example in my heart and says "this is the standard to live by". What I accept is what I deserve - if I allow myself to take the crumbs off the bottom of the barrel, then I part of me is stating that that's all I deserve. It sometimes takes something great or tragic, like a great flood, to reveal those things to a person. They revealed it to me because I saw the true colors of those closest to me. I received much love from so many people, and no love from others. It was a painful lesson to learn. But I know where I stand with myself, who I am, and what I am willing to accept. That is my great lesson. Let's hope it filters down into other areas of my life, especially my career - that I deserve the best and that I deserve to earn great income from who I am, because I am proud of who I am and how I express myself....
Wow, I got really deep huh? Maybe tomorrow I'll write about songwriting for a change...
BTW, I did practice my tunes for the audition, sang my blues cover tunes for the gig coming up, and practiced piano for 30 minutes today. And yesterday I wrote a B section to my latest song. So I did do some career work!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

following up - more drama!

Wow, when you go through a major disaster and crisis, you certainly find out who your friends are! I've gone through so much drama and emotional pain the last week - but most of it as a result of the lack of support from certain people. Losing your house is one thing, but finding out that you can't depend on the people you thought you could depend on is quite another. And because of all the emotional drama I've been going through, I still am not writing. I have been practicing my song ideas, trying to be prepared for the audition. And I'm taking charge of my band, taking the lead in organizing the rehearsal and sending out the materials in advance so the band can be ready. I learned to never give someone else the power in my career or my songs..I have to know how to direct a band, write charts, be a good business person and band leader, in addition to being prepared as a vocalist. So many things on the plate of a musician, especially a band leader. Musicians, unfortunately, can be very flaky, so I can't trust them to follow through - I have to do it.
So even if I'm not particularly creative these last few days, I am working on music in other ways. And I actually believe working through "issues", releases blocks to my success and/or creativity somewhere down the road. Let's see if releasing certain people and old behaviors and patterns affects my career..let's see if I get that hit for finally telling myself I deserve the best life has to offer in every aspect!!