Monday, December 20, 2010

Spiritual revelations and other things

OK, I've had my mind on a couple of things that were giving me troubles, not knowing how to deal with them. But I have to say before I get into that, that an author friend of mine said to use the blog as a way to discuss and/or promote one's career, and not get into anything too personal. But that doesn't work for me. I lay my soul on the line and bare it for all to see. I've learned a lot in my travels through life, and maybe my insights can help others, maybe not. But I have to express myself and this is one avenue to do that.

My two concerns I've had recently are on how to deal with anger toward an ex-friend who continuously plays the role of the victim, and my feelings of sadness that my music, both singing, songwriting, and now my vocal book, have not received the love/support/success that they deserve. But today I had a revelation about both. The sermon in my church yesterday was about finding the Christ within. Here it is Christmas week - and I was trying to understand exactly how to apply that to my own life. And I got it - when I went to the gym to work out (which is where I usually get spiritual insight for some reason), I knew what it meant and how to apply it to the two dilemma's : "Be the Blessing, Be the Gift". That is what I "heard" in my soul. When I work out, I usually do affirmations and visualizations, and it gives me an opportunity to walk away from my daily concerns and "let go". Thus, I often get "answers" to whatever questions are going on. Today was a big one for me. Let me explain..

In regards to the victim-friend, I found myself being very angry, because no matter what I do for her, she turns it around to play the role of the victim. And no matter how much pain she has caused me, she still turns it around to play the victim. I tend to have this scenario in my life repeatedly, because I am a strong person. And I will probably continue to encounter "victims" because strong people give them an opportunity to continue in their victim behavior, rather than stepping up to the plate and accepting responsibility for themselves. It's so much easier to accuse and blame someone else for their situation, than to actually do something about it. And it's easy to point the finger at a strong person.

But I realized if I react to this person with anger, then I am feeding into the belief that someone else has the power to make me feel a certain way, or that someone else must change their attitude and actions to please me or make me feel better or differently. But that is not the case. People change and evolve at their own pace. My being angry is not going to improve the situation or help the person to see their own strengths and weaknesses. So I saw the gift was to "Be the Gift". In other words, I must help this person to see her own strength, and to focus on her own ability to change her life. If she chooses to do so or not do so is really none of my concern. All I can do is be the strength, and to show love. That doesn't mean I pity her or buy into her crap - it just means I offer the gift and let it go. What she does with it is her choice.

And then I realized how to apply that to my music career - "Be the Blessing, Be the Gift". It's not about who accepts my musical gifts into their life, it's about me sharing that gift, letting it go into the real world. Just as there will always be people who can't accept good in their lives for whatever reason or continuously play the victim, there will always be people in the real world who will put down another artist, who will criticize them, who will say "who do they think they are for promoting themselves, for getting those gigs; they're not that good", etc. There will always be those people who will put others down so they don't have to look at their own weaknesses or insecurities. It's easier to condemn others than step up to the plate and accept responsibility for one's life. See the common thread here?

So I realized it's not about who accepts my music or how it gets to the people who want to hear it, it's about sharing it regardless. And when the negative people of the world condemn and criticize, some artists will just give up. But I have to realize that I just have to keep sharing my gift because it is a blessing to someone, somewhere, and it will find its way if I continue to express myself. So don't give up! Share the gift you were given.

We are all given gifts to share, mine just happens to be music. I know it is meant to find an outlet, so I will continue to write and sing and perform and express. That is what I came here to do and will continue doing it. It is a Blessing and a God-given right!