Friday, June 18, 2010


The truth is, if I'm broke, then I have a heavy burden weighing on my shoulders and I feel guilty about sitting around the house writing music. I feel I need to get out there and do WORK, to earn my keep, to contribute to the world and take care of myself. So many emotions wrapped up with money and value and worth! I've been trying to put my art first and not worry about the rest, but I just have to work harder at marketing myself and creating income, so that I can write comfortably without worry. Worry is the biggest hindrance to creativity..
And I have to be more structured - find time to write daily, but still apply myself in a business way. No more talking on the phone to my friends or going to lunches. It's time to get serious!! I have to treat every day as the typical business person does - get up and get to work. No surfing the web or emailing people on FaceBook. I have to have a plan and stick to it. Music IS a business and I have to treat it as such. I lost my steam because I got so can just whip you down. And I've been down on the ground with my face in the mud SO many times - I just wonder why I keep going at this? I just don't feel like there's anything else I want to do or have the patience or tolerance for. Nobody wants to work for someone else, but working for yourself is hard work! I have to be a one-woman show - do the writing, the singing, the organizing of the gigs, the marketing, the chart-writing, the day-to-day business, the bookkeeping, etc. It just never ends and there's no clear-cut path to success. I just have to keep putting one foot in front of another and don't give up!! I think I'd given up internally at least, just felt so discouraged. But that will get me nowhere. And if I'm going to do this, then I have to DO IT! So I'm working hard at creating something for myself - not waiting for anyone to do it for me. It's my life and I have to create what I want for it. And the music business is a business like any other business - it requires skill, dedication, drive, and work! So off to work I go....

Thursday, June 17, 2010

getting serious

OK, I'm sick of struggling - my car cost my $1300 yesterday to get the air conditioner fixed. I only paid $6500 for the car and was hoping it would be a good my boyfriend and I had a long talk last night. If I want to be successful I've just got to work harder, be more structured, and actually treat this career as a job. No more going out to lunch with my friends, spending money on clothes, talking on the phone for hours each day. I'm really sinking financially lately and have to tighten up in every regard. I have to be ready to work each day at a reasonable hour and cross things off of my list. I know I've said that there's no clear-cut path in this business. I don't know that the work I do will bring any returns. I could spend the next 10 years of my life struggling no matter how hard I work. And it's hard, because I've already spent 20 years of my life struggling in this business. Why do I keep trying? I've been thrown off that horse so many times, I can't even count them. I feel like I'm on all fours pulling myself with my hands. That's the life of a songwriter. Glamorous huh? Not really. I just keep batting around in the dark, like it's a pinata and at some point I've got to hit it and get the candy inside. It's just that someone keeps yanking it up, so I just keep swinging. I can't give it up now - I've got nothing else. I just don't want another day's not the jobs I hate, it's usually the bosses. Sick of people standing over me telling me what to do. I want to be my own boss, but that will require a LOT of effort. To be self-employed requires diligence, and I must get better at marketing. That's always a musicians greatest fear is to market - I hate it. I don't want to call people up and sell myself. I always feel like I'm begging. I guess that's the wrong approach to take. Gonna have to pull myself up by my bootstraps and walk on...

Monday, June 14, 2010


I've finally decided to give in to my fate - to write full time! What have I been waiting for? I have trimmed down my expenses so I can live off of my teaching income so I don't need to freak out or hustle non-stop anymore. It's so engrained in my brain that I must work, contribute, struggle, hustle, get up and get going, etc. And then I worry, worry, worry about money. But I just decided - enough of that! I am meant to write, and write I must. So everyday will be a writing day, not because there's a TV show audition or whatever, but because it's what I'm meant to do. I'm changing my focus from finding work, to enjoying my life. What a concept! It seems so simple that I should pursue what I love first and foremost, but "responsibilities" have always been at the forefront of my mind. I finally, for the first time in my life, don't have to worry about responsibilities...thank God! When I walk around with that burden on my shoulders, no wonder I can't write. So now I get up with a joyful attitude that today will be a day I create something wonderful - that can be my work!
I enjoyed spending time with an old friend on Saturday - she is a singer/songwriter as well, so I presented her with one of my musical compositions to see if she'd be interested in writing lyrics to it. That would give me more freedom to write music. I can then pick and choose which songs I want to write lyrics to. Probably the ones for myself as an artist and the more emotional ones..the songs that are commercial I'll probably co-write..
And I decided to start a R&B writers critique session, if I can get enough writers to commit to it. So I'm going to immerse myself in this thing, keep my focus on my joy, let go of all the worry and struggle, and BE the thing I want in my life - which is a full time songwriter. Wow, the joy!