Wednesday, May 12, 2010

still dealing with the aftermath

Yes, it's true - I'm still an emotional mess. I've cried everyday for the last week and a half. Feeling terrible about all the emotional drama that's been going on, and there's still more to come. I'm cleaning house - for the first time in my life I'm saying "I deserve better than this!" - and meaning it and sticking to it. I feel stronger than I've ever felt, but I also feel in a lot of pain. It's hard to clear away people from your life if you love them, but sometimes it must be done in order to make room for healthier people who know how to show love and respect. If I can't get love and respect from the people closest to me, how am I going to get it from business associates, fans, record companies, co-writers, etc? I have to apply that principle to all aspects of my life, especially to those closest to me. It sets an example in my heart and says "this is the standard to live by". What I accept is what I deserve - if I allow myself to take the crumbs off the bottom of the barrel, then I part of me is stating that that's all I deserve. It sometimes takes something great or tragic, like a great flood, to reveal those things to a person. They revealed it to me because I saw the true colors of those closest to me. I received much love from so many people, and no love from others. It was a painful lesson to learn. But I know where I stand with myself, who I am, and what I am willing to accept. That is my great lesson. Let's hope it filters down into other areas of my life, especially my career - that I deserve the best and that I deserve to earn great income from who I am, because I am proud of who I am and how I express myself....
Wow, I got really deep huh? Maybe tomorrow I'll write about songwriting for a change...
BTW, I did practice my tunes for the audition, sang my blues cover tunes for the gig coming up, and practiced piano for 30 minutes today. And yesterday I wrote a B section to my latest song. So I did do some career work!

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