Friday, June 18, 2010

realization

The truth is, if I'm broke, then I have a heavy burden weighing on my shoulders and I feel guilty about sitting around the house writing music. I feel I need to get out there and do WORK, to earn my keep, to contribute to the world and take care of myself. So many emotions wrapped up with money and value and worth! I've been trying to put my art first and not worry about the rest, but I just have to work harder at marketing myself and creating income, so that I can write comfortably without worry. Worry is the biggest hindrance to creativity..
And I have to be more structured - find time to write daily, but still apply myself in a business way. No more talking on the phone to my friends or going to lunches. It's time to get serious!! I have to treat every day as the typical business person does - get up and get to work. No surfing the web or emailing people on FaceBook. I have to have a plan and stick to it. Music IS a business and I have to treat it as such. I lost my steam because I got so discouraged...music can just whip you down. And I've been down on the ground with my face in the mud SO many times - I just wonder why I keep going at this? I just don't feel like there's anything else I want to do or have the patience or tolerance for. Nobody wants to work for someone else, but working for yourself is hard work! I have to be a one-woman show - do the writing, the singing, the organizing of the gigs, the marketing, the chart-writing, the day-to-day business, the bookkeeping, etc. It just never ends and there's no clear-cut path to success. I just have to keep putting one foot in front of another and don't give up!! I think I'd given up internally at least, just felt so discouraged. But that will get me nowhere. And if I'm going to do this, then I have to DO IT! So I'm working hard at creating something for myself - not waiting for anyone to do it for me. It's my life and I have to create what I want for it. And the music business is a business like any other business - it requires skill, dedication, drive, and work! So off to work I go....

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