dedication

Yesterday I spent about 4 hours working on music. Between writing new music and practicing piano, I finally got some real time to spend with my craft. Wow, I feel empowered now! Funny how I avoid the thing I love the most. It's not that I'm trying to avoid it, but life gets in the way...I also see that my emotions take a toll when I don't spend time in my core Self...writing gets me back in touch with who I am, my purpose in life, what I came here to do, my unique talent and gift to share. It helps me to feel vitalized, special, connected to Source/God (yes, it's that big). I really need to try to treat my music and writing like a job: I get up and do my morning thing, then go to work! I have the freedom currently to do that, which is a huge blessing! But I tend to sit here and think because I'm not working a "day job", that I'm not doing enough, that I'm not worthy or valid - so much of our identity in this country is based on money and how much we earn, not how much we contribute as being good people or bringing joy or beauty through art into the world. I'm still stuck on that...gotta re-wire my brain to think differently.
Today I also have the opportunity to work on music, so I'm going to get to it asap! I decided to get together with one of my pianists and record all of my new songs on mini-disc, just so I can hear what's really working and what's not. It's so easy to think something's great, and then when I hear it with the band or spend hundreds of dollars recording it, it just doesn't sound so good. So I'm going to make a small investment (hiring him), and record all the songs with piano BEFORE I go into the studio with a band. My computer program I use (Band in a Box) is great for writing purposes, but doesn't always give me the big picture. So once again, I've got to get charts and mp3's ready to mail to him, but that's OK. That was on my to-do list anyway is to get all of my songs charted and recorded so they are available and organized.

Anyway, still kind of going through a slump, wondering when my music will ever take off in the way I want it to...when will it be commercially recognized and purchased and broadcast in a big way? Still feeling left out in the cold in terms of success in my field, and that hurts. I'm going to allow myself to feel hurt and grieve the loss of what I want so badly in my life, but I've got to keep moving forward and not get stuck in the pain of it. Feel it and move on...
So onward I go!