reminder

OK, I'm just reminding myself and the universe of what I want:
I want to be offered a major gig as a singer/songwriter - either a European Jazz festival, a large club, opening for a major name artist, etc.
I want a major label artist to record one of my songs and release it as a single.
I want my songs placed in a major motion picture or TV show.
I want my songs to reach the #1 spot on the Billboard charts.
And of course, I want to be paid handsomely for all of the above so that I am truly living an abundant life.

Funny, because I got an email from a European promoter who is putting on a big Jazz festival. They said that if I could send 300 goodie-bag items, like pens, flyers, key-chains, etc., that they'd include it in the bag, which would be given to the first 300 concert-goers. Some of those people could be promoters, venue owners, etc. So I've got to think of something I could send and send it to Europe fast! Maybe my inner creative marketer is working? I know creativity works in all areas, not just music. I used to paint pottery, and I would wake up with all kinds of visual ideas of designs. It's not that I'm a born painter by any means, it's just, that's where I was putting my creative energy. So that energy, I am convinced, can be used in business, marketing, etc. It's all the same source/Source, right? God/Creativity/Source - it's all the same thing in my mind. Why wouldn't God/Source work for me in promotion as it does in music?
I've spent my whole life feeling like I don't know what to do or how to do it when it comes to marketing and promotion. I've written songs, done gigs, but never felt like I had any success because I didn't know where to turn or what path to follow. I never could even see a path - in the music business, there's no clear-cut way to go as in other professions. If you want to be a school teacher, there are clear things that you need to do. But in music, it's shooting in the dark, or at least it has been for me up to this point. I don't know how many hours I've spent working on my computer, rather than hang out with friends, etc. I keep pushing, but at some point it started feeling like an uphill battle. So I let the boulder I'd been pushing slide down the hill. But now I have to move forward again, but this time with a different approach: balance. I will do the footwork and ask for divine inspiration and guidance. Yes, I believe God works through me, not to me...So I'm asking - God, how do I do this? How do I get my music out in the world? And I'm waiting for answers, patiently, knowingly, doing my work, then letting go....

commitment

They say that old habits take a minimum of 30 days to change. And "they" say that what we think about is what we manifest in our lives. If I continually think fearful things, eventually the thing I fear will appear. And so it is with "good" things or the things I want. If I keep focusing on the good, then I will draw it to myself. And that also means getting out of the way, clearing the path for the good to come in, getting rid of the road blocks. THAT is the hard part in my opinion, because sometimes I don't know what those road blocks are, I just know something is blocking my good, and I have to keep digging until I find out what it is.

This is one of the things I tell my voice students (and I plan on writing a book correlating the similarities of a spiritual life and voice technique): it's very simple - open up wide and sing. Don't obstruct the path - relax your tongue, your jaw, your throat - allow room for the note to just come out. And it just needs even breath pressure to release it. It doesn't need to be forced - it wants to come out on its own - give it the space and a gentle but even nudge of breath. And so it is in life, eh? Get the obstructions out of the way and keep nudging/moving forward, keep the energy flowing....It all sounds so simple, even in singing it sounds simple. Of course, there's more depth to it than that, a million nuances. But on the surface, there's just two things - open the path and keep the flow moving...

So I am making a statement of what I want and will keep doing so for 30 days. I want this to be engrained in the heavens so there is no doubt as to what I want and that I am willing to work for it, dig through obstructions, face the truth, face myself, look at my weaknesses and fears, etc. I am willing do to whatever it takes to reach my goal - I am setting a clear intention.
Here it is, just five things:

I want to be offered a major gig as a singer/songwriter - either a European Jazz festival, a large club, opening for a major name artist, etc.
I want a major label artist to record one of my songs and release it as a single.
I want my songs placed in a major motion picture or TV show.
I want my songs to reach the #1 spot on the Billboard charts.
And of course, I want to be paid handsomely for all of the above so that I am truly living an abundant life.

There, I said it, it is done!

strengths and weaknesses

I sat in with a master musician last night - I was scared! I wanted to stay home in my comfort zone, but I pushed myself outside the box and went because I was invited to do so. It's easy to say "I'm good at this or that", and then only do that. That's what I'd like to do, but I decided sometimes I have to stretch myself. I sang a couple of tunes, did OK. It probably wasn't my best performance. I realized on the way home what I really want to do musically, which is a combination of jazz, blues, and R&B. That's actually what my music is already. So last night was not my forte because it wasn't that perfect little niche. But I'm sure there was some benefit in getting out, getting heard, meeting new people, jamming with a super-talented guy, stepping up to the plate, taking a risk, pushing myself out of my comfort zone, accepting where I'm at, etc. I actually feel the most confident as a songwriter because it is something unique and special and there are no rules, and it can't be compared to others, as singing can. With American Idol and all that, you see there are a million great singers in the world, some of them still in their pre-teens...but how many great songwriters are there? I truly want to be a great songwriter, with an impressive resume of great tunes that have rocked people's worlds. Yes, I want my music to make an impact on the world. I realize I'm a good singer, but probably will never be considered one of the world's best. And that's OK. I have my songs, and with my voice, I think I'm great! That keeps me writing - the uniqueness of creativity, my personal stamp on the world, the thing that makes me stand out from the rest...
Today working on my new song - I've written a great verse, got a new chorus but not sure if it's working yet. I have to let it stew a little, then come back to it and see how it's working. That's my job today, to stir the stew.....

back at it

Well,
I've taken like a week off from writing and from blogging - this house thing has been a pain! I'm not upset, just frustrated that it's taking so much time out of my life. BUT, I was thinking how symbolic it is that my house was destroyed in the flood, and when we start to tear the walls out, we see that the house was rotted - so it was a good thing that it was flooded, because otherwise the house could have collapsed! And when I uncovered so many things in my personal life, I saw there was a lot of "rot" there as well. So I am now rebuilding, both my house, and my life...putting new wood and foundation, replacing the old. I feel it's time for a new beginning, something to look forward to. Sometimes you have to have challenges to face and see what's been lurking in the dark, so that they can be faced and replaced. So I'm grateful, but I'm also ready to get back to my life and my music!
Today I started on a new song and sent old lyrics to my international co-writer who is looking for lyrics to place with his songs. While reading my old lyrics, songs I've already finished but don't even remember, I realized what a great story-teller I am. I really like to write story-type songs - they are unique and can have a fresh approach to an old theme. So I will write more of those. I started working on new music today. Feels good to sit down at the piano and just plug away. Really just need a couple of hours a day to feed my soul. So, I promise to get back in my routine, and to blog several times per week - it helps me to release. Funny how easy it is to share my soul with the world and show my vulnerabilities and struggles. I'm not sitting in the pain though - I am moving on, looking to how bright things are ahead!

lyrics

I was trying to write lyrics to a new song of mine. The music is uptempo, danceable, and very marketable. I was stuck though, writing the same old cliche lines and non-descript stuff. So I googled a famous pop-writer's songs to see what the stuff being written for Beyonce, Kelly Clarkson, etc. was all about. This writer has a slew of top hits, recorded by some of the biggest names in the industry, so I surprised to see the lyrics as cliche lines and non-descript stuff! I think a lot of that type of contemporary music is the production, the groove, etc, not the foundation of good writing. Maybe I should have taken up production and programming in my earlier days...hmmm...
So back to my song, I just can't write fluff, even if that's what the market is doing. I think it's OK for some lyrics to be light-hearted love songs. I've got no problem with that. But there's got to be a way to say that in a unique way, or at least descriptive. In Nashville, we call that adding "furniture". But that takes a lot of creativity and ingenuity to say something differently that's been said a million times before. How do you describe "I love you"?
So then I read the lyrics of one of my favorite writers, Corinne Bailey Ray, and her stuff is great! Not only is the music fabulous, but the lyrics are fresh and interesting and thought-provoking and all that stuff..So I decided to push myself to write something like that. You know we all learn from others, so I don't have a problem with studying other writers and using their works as examples to grow on...
My new song, so far, is interesting, has a little story behind the love theme, and has plenty of "furniture" - descriptives to show the scene, rather than just telling it. So I'm happy so far. The only thing is- my title that I had chosen is not going to work anymore. I have two verses finished but no hook line...I'm gonna have to spend some contemplative time on that to find something that fits with this story and has hook-appeal. But at least it's coming along.
I'm trying to find time to write, at least a few times a week, to keep the engine churning. Otherwise, my soul gets weary...gotta write!

realization

The truth is, if I'm broke, then I have a heavy burden weighing on my shoulders and I feel guilty about sitting around the house writing music. I feel I need to get out there and do WORK, to earn my keep, to contribute to the world and take care of myself. So many emotions wrapped up with money and value and worth! I've been trying to put my art first and not worry about the rest, but I just have to work harder at marketing myself and creating income, so that I can write comfortably without worry. Worry is the biggest hindrance to creativity..
And I have to be more structured - find time to write daily, but still apply myself in a business way. No more talking on the phone to my friends or going to lunches. It's time to get serious!! I have to treat every day as the typical business person does - get up and get to work. No surfing the web or emailing people on FaceBook. I have to have a plan and stick to it. Music IS a business and I have to treat it as such. I lost my steam because I got so discouraged...music can just whip you down. And I've been down on the ground with my face in the mud SO many times - I just wonder why I keep going at this? I just don't feel like there's anything else I want to do or have the patience or tolerance for. Nobody wants to work for someone else, but working for yourself is hard work! I have to be a one-woman show - do the writing, the singing, the organizing of the gigs, the marketing, the chart-writing, the day-to-day business, the bookkeeping, etc. It just never ends and there's no clear-cut path to success. I just have to keep putting one foot in front of another and don't give up!! I think I'd given up internally at least, just felt so discouraged. But that will get me nowhere. And if I'm going to do this, then I have to DO IT! So I'm working hard at creating something for myself - not waiting for anyone to do it for me. It's my life and I have to create what I want for it. And the music business is a business like any other business - it requires skill, dedication, drive, and work! So off to work I go....

getting serious

OK, I'm sick of struggling - my car cost my $1300 yesterday to get the air conditioner fixed. I only paid $6500 for the car and was hoping it would be a good deal...so my boyfriend and I had a long talk last night. If I want to be successful I've just got to work harder, be more structured, and actually treat this career as a job. No more going out to lunch with my friends, spending money on clothes, talking on the phone for hours each day. I'm really sinking financially lately and have to tighten up in every regard. I have to be ready to work each day at a reasonable hour and cross things off of my list. I know I've said that there's no clear-cut path in this business. I don't know that the work I do will bring any returns. I could spend the next 10 years of my life struggling no matter how hard I work. And it's hard, because I've already spent 20 years of my life struggling in this business. Why do I keep trying? I've been thrown off that horse so many times, I can't even count them. I feel like I'm on all fours pulling myself with my hands. That's the life of a songwriter. Glamorous huh? Not really. I just keep batting around in the dark, like it's a pinata and at some point I've got to hit it and get the candy inside. It's just that someone keeps yanking it up, so I just keep swinging. I can't give it up now - I've got nothing else. I just don't want another day job...it's not the jobs I hate, it's usually the bosses. Sick of people standing over me telling me what to do. I want to be my own boss, but that will require a LOT of effort. To be self-employed requires diligence, and I must get better at marketing. That's always a musicians greatest fear is to market - I hate it. I don't want to call people up and sell myself. I always feel like I'm begging. I guess that's the wrong approach to take. Gonna have to pull myself up by my bootstraps and walk on...